What a great idea!  There is an organization called CoAbode that is specifically for helping single mothers match up with other single mothers to share housing.  On the web there is also has a full page of testimonials about how sharing housing has improved the lives of mothers and their children.

Years ago, I spent an expensive hour with a consultant who helped me list out all my requirements for a house.  As I left I was irritated. I thought I knew everything on the list! Why had I spent so much money?  Then I went house shopping. The list was extraordinarily helpful. No waffling for me!

The worksheets I’ve just uploaded (on a separate page) are designed to help you have the same experience. Spending time thinking about what you want and need in a housemate relationship helps.  Then write it down! It really, really helps!

Three of the four worksheets are for planning.  The fourth is to document reference checks.

Good luck and happy hunting!

A note of warning.  Though this blog is dedicated to the idea that there is a good housemate for every person and that sharing housing is a great idea, there are people who are not good housemates. Those housemates I call “nightmare” housemates, because their behavior can make home far from the haven it should be.  This is why it is so very, very important to interview carefully and check references. It is why it is important to be clear during interviewing about your expectations of sharing a home.

Nightmare housemates are those who is unable to live cooperatively with others. They don’t acknowledge that their behavior affects others and are impervious to requests for changed behavior. There are different ways of being a nightmare housemate.

Assuming/insisting I have more rights than you

It is the householder that most easily falls into this trap.  After all it is their space before you came along. However, once the conditions of your living together have been established in the interviewing phase, changing the conditions “because it is my house” is a great way to alienate a housemate. A more subtle (true) example comes from the interviews I did for my book.  The rental for the apartment came with one parking space.  While the householder had a car, her housemate didn’t.  Though they split the rent evenly, the householder felt that  that the space was “hers” and would demand that the housemate’s boyfriend move his car when she came home after he had parked in it for an evening.

Refusing to modify behavior

To live cooperatively, you have to be willing to make minor adaptations in your behavior.  Whether it is remembering to turn off the porch light or discarding your leftovers before they turn moldy, those requests made by housemates are to be considered. One nightmare housemate, rather than responding simply to requests, she launched into long-winded explanations for why she did what she did, as if the explanation would justify the behavior and she would ignore the request.  Good housemates are able to make minor adjustments for the comfort of their housemate.

Not following through on requests/promises

No one likes to nag.  No one likes to have to repeat requests, and by the way, the receiver doesn’t like it either. Actions speak louder than words. If a housemate has made a request and you have agreed to it, do it.  If there is a chore list that is part of the conditions of living in that household, do your chores.  Pay your bills on time.

Are there other ways in which individuals can be nightmare housemates? Maybe, but I think that this pretty much covers it. In sum, the nightmare housemate is a self-centered person. Avoid them.

Not everyone is self-centered.  You can find a good housemate for you.

As I have interviewed people for my book and talked to others about the whole world of sharing housing, I have noticed a pattern.  People who had lived with housemates successfully, ended the experience because they had one nightmare housemate. And after that experience they said, “Never again.”

At this point I ask some probing questions. Invariably, I find out that the interview and selection process they used was flawed.  They were either desperate to find housing, ignored warning signs (including their instincts), and/or didn’t even think about the interpersonal aspects of sharing housing. The interview was sloppy, and they didn’t check references.

If you recognize yourself in this description, realize that you are wiser now and that you can have a good home sharing arrangement.  Just choose carefully!

A rather short guide to sharing housing, from other side of the world, down under.

It’s a short version of what is in my book (waiting for publication). The problem with a short version is that it offers advice, but doesn’t say how. I’ve written down quite a lot of “how,” some of  which can be found in this blog.

One thing I have noticed, in Australia they use the word “housemate” much more commonly than Americans do. I like the word and use it rather than other variations. I discussed this briefly awhile ago.

“We have better instincts.” That’s what my new friend Mary said to me when I was telling her about the idea that more senior citizens could be sharing housing.

That’s a hopeful idea. Seniors have spent a lifetime of living. Even if they haven’t shared their housing, they have certainly met many people through work and social activities.  They have had the opportunity to observe and to participate. They’ve learned when their first instinct about a person turned out to be true and when it didn’t.

It would be interesting to read stories about interviews when you immediately knew it would or wouldn’t work with the home seeker. Do you have such a story?

Here is a References Worksheet. Use it as a guide when you call references for your (possible) future housemate.

Also here is longer discussion on how to check references.

Housemate Heaven is a website that presents 16 “lifestyle types”. The reader is asked to pick the type that best describes themselves.  The 16 types are based on four basic categories: how personal property is shared, cleanliness of the house, the level of sociability between housemates and the attitude towards guests.  It’s an attempt to help individuals think about who they are and what they are looking for in a housesharing arrangement.

Your goal in the initial phone call is to determine if there is enough of a match to spend time showing and looking at the space.

You should have a clear idea of what you MUST have in a housemate and living situation. What you must have is very different from what you would like to have.  In the phone conversation you can find out if the “must haves” are met by the space. If not, there is no reason to continue the conversation.

Some examples of “Must Haves” might be space for pets or no pets, space for visiting offspring, or other important people in your life, bathroom access, or convenient public transportation. For years, I had a must have of “no TV”.  That made it much easier to find suitable housemates.

The point here is that your “Must Haves” can simplify the time you spend looking for a housemate.

One of the first hurdles in deciding to share the home you live in is figuring out what to charge your future housemates.

Renting

When you are all renting the space, this is somewhat easy as generally people simply divide the rent by the number of persons. Occasionally a room will be significantly better or worse than the others – in that case it usually works to adjust the rent to match the benefits or constraints that the room has for the renter.

Owner

More difficult is figuring out the what to charge when you own the home. Your costs include property tax, maintenance as well as the mortgage. In this case, you are best researching your local market. Find out what the going rate is in your area. Be realistic about what your house offers someone else. In setting a cost, don’t get greedy. Though it may be tempting to “see what you can get” remember that this person will be your housemate. You want them to feel comfortable. You also want them to feel that the rent is fair.  Even better if you can set it so that it is good for you and a really good deal for the future housemate(s). You will have more people interested in the space and  therefore more choice about who you invite to live with you.