Sex and Your Housemate

One word. Don’t. Don’t even think of it.  Do yourself a favor.

For housemates to live together comfortably, it is good to impose a complete and utter taboo on sex with each other. Otherwise things go wonky.  The emotions that get stirred up are deep and painful. One person’s fling is another person’s crush and what do you say to each other a week later? Inevitably one of the housemates moves out but probably not without some stormy and painful experiences. So if you want to keep your home a comfortable place to be, do not get sexually involved with a housemate.

Yes, of course, there are exceptions to this rule. It might happen that two people who get to know each other in the daily rhythms find themselves falling in love. I heartily suggest a long conversation about what this means to you and how you will manage it before falling into bed. And if you can’t have a heart-to-heart real conversation about life and love, then you don’t have the communication to manage the changed relationship.  You would no longer be just housemates. If you are going to have a love affair,  one of you should move out first, then see if the relationship works.

I’m guessing that the happily-ever-after scenario is rare. Far more common is the casual sex scenario that leads to trouble. With a firm taboo in place, a housemate relationship with the other gender can be wonderful—kind of like a brother or a sister.

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iishana May 8, 2010 at 9:35 am

True!

And… the same is true for same sex housemates when one or both are lesbian or gay.

And… I might add that once housemates have been physical, even kissed, it can backfire later when one brings home a date. The date will likely pick up on the chemistry or find out, and that can lead to discomfort for them, which could complicate things for everyone.

Thanks for the reminder!

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