Here is a References Worksheet. Use it as a guide when you call references for your (possible) future housemate.

Also here is longer discussion on how to check references.

Action News in Las Vegas did a short piece on a senior considering renting a room in her house to manage her difficult finances.  It describes Rita, who after her husband died lost his pension and veteran’s benefits (reducing her income by 70%) and can no longer afford her home. She really wants to stay in her home, so she’s looking for a housemate. The final line of the video transcript on the web site is cautionary. It leaves one with the impression that it is dangerous to offer housing to a stranger.

The actual video clip concludes with common sense suggestions from AARP. These suggestions include meeting the home seeker in a public place, checking references, and trying to find someone through a community group.  Also Rita was finding it expensive to advertise. She and many in here generation aren’t Internet users – so she doesn’t know how easy it is to use Craigslist.

There is information on this blog about checking references, and lots of other information she, and seniors like her, might find useful.

More information in my book when it gets published.

It is absolutely essential that you ask your future housemate for references. Someone can be charming and lovely in an interview who changes character after moving in.  Both the person seeking a home and the person who is seeking a housemate have a right to ask for references. And then you must check them. There are two types of reference: income verification, and housemate habits.

Probably before you even interviewed this potential housemate, you learned as much as you could about the person through the ‘Net. Facebook, Twitter, and a Google search can tell you quite a bit. If you didn’t do it before interviewing, do it before checking references.

Reference checking should be done by telephone, not electronically. Make a telephone call. For some it is a bit scary to call someone you don’t know. If it is scary for you, just take a deep breath and do it anyway.

For income verification, you should call the person’s place of work and talk to his or her supervisor. Make it quick. Leave a voice mail. Be direct and clear. “I’m considering _____as a housemate, and I want to verify that she works for you. Please leave me a message at ________.”  A supervisor should be willing to help an employee find housing and would not mind the phone call. If income is coming from another source also, talk to that source, too.

For finding out what the person is like to live with, a different set of questions is appropriate. When you introduce yourself, explain clearly why you are calling and ask the person for 10 minutes. That’s enough for you to get the information you need.

The first thing is to find out how well the referrer knows the person. A good referral is someone who has actually lived with the future housemate. Be wary of a person who claims to have lived in shared housing before but can’t give you a reference of someone he or she has lived with. The next thing is to find out why that relationship ended. Endings tell a great deal about a person. The ending probably had a good reason for it, since this person has agreed to provide a reference.

At this point you might be in a conversation. If you have any particular concerns, this is the time to ask about them. If not, two general questions should lead you into a conversation. Ask, “What did you like about living with _________? What did you dislike about living with _________________?”

Follow up these questions with open-ended questions (requiring more than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’) that allow the reference to talk. You are there to listen and learn. These questions and your follow-up questions should tell you as much as you need to know about your future housemate.

Do end the call at the ten-minute mark as you promised. Keep the reference’s name and phone number.

The reference checks give you more information with which to make a decision. You can either confidently decide to share housing with the person you checked on, or you can decline. It’s up to you.

If you like you can use this downloadable Worksheet-References to track your reference check.

I’ve just read an article on Helium about nightmare housemates. It’s enough to make one think that sharing housing is a bad idea.  It isn’t. There are plenty of wonderful people out there who are great housemates.

What makes a housemate a nightmare? Self-centeredness. Plain and simple. The nightmare housemate breaks agreements and/or refuses to modify their behavior when something becomes an issue.

You avoid having nightmare housemates by knowing what you want and carefully interviewing. Once you’ve decided that the interviewee is a potential housemate you must check references and employment.  True, the potential housemate will only send you to people who are going to recommend them, nonetheless the  reference doesn’t know what you are looking for.  You can find out quite a lot about a person from references. Ask for two. And then talk to them. Engage in a long conversation. Find out how they know the person, how long,  whether they’ve ever lived with them, and if they have what that experience was like. Ask for specific stories. Find out how often the person has moved.  All you have to do for checking employment is to call the organization main number and ask, “Does [housemate name] work in your organization?”

Also it is essential that the person moving in pays the first month, last month AND security deposit.  Don’t waver on this!  If your future housemate tries to wheedle with you about any of this take it as a warning about how they will behave when they move in.  That extra money is your security about their ability to pay bills and take care of the place.

Some people like to have agreements in writing – the better to ensure that everyone understands the expectations of the arrangement. If you do sit down and make an agreement – do it between the interview and when the person moves in. Don’t have the person move in and then work out a living together agreement. If the person can’t make time to do this, then don’t have them move in.

Most importantly, don’t get desparate for a housemate.  The worst mistake I’ve ever made was when I was desparate.  It didn’t last long, I kicked her and her boyfriend out within 6 weeks – but it wasn’t  fun for the  two weeks the situation developed. It’s really awful, in fact nightmarish, to have someone in your home with whom you are uncomfortable, unhappy, or angry. The best defence against nightmare housemates is to choose carefully.  It is possible.