Have you ever dreamed of making a big change in your life and then share it with friends only to receive discouraging comments? Do these Debbie Downers and naysayers actually have the power to make you doubt your dream and actually plant the seeds of limiting beliefs?
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how my life has turned out. I’m not pointing fingers, but I am the type of person who is impressionable. Sometimes I don’t trust my instincts after I’ve listened to comments made by others. Yet when I’ve actually listened to my gut, I usually find that the big change I’ve dreamed of was right on target.
A Shared Housing Story
I’ve alluded several times to a nasty break-up when I lived in San Francisco so let me tell you the story how I eventually my living situation turned into shared housing.
The gist was that my former beau wanted the flat because it was close to the University where he taught; it was located in a great neighborhood with restaurants, cafes, and bookstores, and it was a beautiful home–move-in ready for his new girlfriend whom he had on the side.
At the time, I didn’t know the reason why he was pushing me out of my home. He said I would be happier in a different neighborhood and living in a smaller space. I came close to renting a dog-friendly studio apartment, but it just didn’t feel right. So I told him that if he wanted to break up then he should move out. I refused to leave the flat that I had turned into a lovely and inviting home.
His tactics to push me out turned nasty. He had friends tell me the place was too large for me to maintain and that I would be better off in a different apartment and live outside of San Francisco. Knowing I would start doubting whether I would be able to afford the flat and continue to live in the City, he added that our landlord would never allow me to get a home-mate. For a day or two I believed him and started the search again, but he misfired with that one. My instincts screamed that I should at least ask if it was possible to get a home-mate. If my landlord said no, I would have to accept that I would need to move. Lucky for me, my ex’s plan worked against him (it helped that the landlord didn’t like him) so I was able to stay and he had to move.
What’s the moral of the story? Don’t let the Debbie Downers and the naysayers plant ideas in your head that might limit you moving forward with your plans.
Now it’s Your Turn For Home Sharing
You’ve determined that home sharing is a viable solution for you in your life. You’re more than willing to either share your home (or a home) with another person. Yet, the Debbie Downers and naysayers point to all the potential problems and complications of home-sharing that range from moving to living with a person you don’t know.
If home sharing appears to be the best solution for you, don’t abandon that dream. However, for a shared home environment to be successful, you need to be absolutely certain of the type of person you are in terms of what elements you must have to live comfortably and what you don’t want when it comes to living with another person.
Do the Homework
Be armed with information when the Debbie Downers and naysayers tell you it’s difficult to find a good home-mate. We offer a number of resources that will provide you with the skills and steps to help you the process.
We often state in these blogs that communication is key for a successful living situation. Hone those skills by purchasing the interview guide, which provides questions on the details and aspects of sharing—details that often get overlooked when you don’t have experience in sharing housing. It’s a tool for you to use at two different stages in your home-mate search. In the first stage, it will help you assess what is really important to you in how you live. In the second stage, you can compare answers with another person who has also completed the compatibility questions.
If you need step-by-step guidance on how to start your search you can always refer to the Sharing Housing: A Guidebook for Finding and Keeping Good Housemates. This book provides the necessary steps in searching for a housemate and how to think about each step. This book by itself might be all you need. A fuller description and order form can be found here. You can also buy it on Amazon and in Kindle format.
And Finally, Trust Listen to Your Intuition
The process to find the ideal home-mate doesn’t happen overnight. You will meet individuals that won’t be the right candidate, but don’t let the naysayers discourage you with their “what if” statements. As the saying goes you might have to kiss several frogs to find your prince. And when you do, listen to your instincts because they rarely fail you.
Do you have a story about when others tried to dissuade you from an action? What happened? Do you know some Debbie Downer types?
Note: The picture comes from the song and SNL skit. Check out the original skit here.